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Messages - Caenus

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General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: April 06, 2010, 06:17:37 pm »
You get Fisher Price OS installed on a Motorola StarTac

I insert a can of Dr. Pepper

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: March 07, 2010, 12:59:55 pm »
You receive Psypop

I insert a scratched LP of "Toys in the Attic"

General Discussion / Re: Forum Rules and Decorum [Newbies, Read First!]
« on: January 16, 2010, 12:02:55 am »
As an addendum to this list of rules, I'd like to walk you through a few things from that wonderful repository of knowledge,

You are not some evil genius, criminal mastermind, or master debater.  That honor belongs to me.  Although, I'll let morgul have the title of Mas. Debater.  :blink:

Morgul: Yeeeah, and that was enough to make me poke your post with my own thoughts. See what wrath you hath wrought?

In all seriousness, if you try to back out of some horrible situation by claiming it to be all a part of an overly convoluted plot, I'll unleash my overly simplistic solution: banhammer.  Grow up, be a man (or woman, as the case may be) and behave with a modicum of dignity.

Attempting to act like some sort of pseudo-intellectual in here and talking down to us will not go over well.  There are several people on this forum who are ACTUAL intellectuals, and acting like one of us is like riding the elevator with one other person and trying to convince them that they're the one that farted.

Not gonna happen.

Morgul: Just to be clear. Most of us come here to unwind. We screw around, shit up our own corner of the internet, and let our brains shut off. Not always, but a decent amount of the time. Should you try to compete with us, you will be shocked and amazed to find that, guess what? Windshipper's actually a fucking genius who knows a helluva lot more about this subject then you do. Oh, and he's a mod, so proving you're smarter then him's just not going to work out for you either way.

Edit all you want.  Try and misdirect.  Smoke and mirrors are all a part of the Vegas experience!  Oh, wait, we aren't in Vegas?  Oh, damn . . . well, in that case leave the prestidigitation to the professionals and own up to something you've said.  You're not infallible :catholic: and you just sound like a pretentious prick when you try to maintain the upper hand by claiming to be so.

If we have to call you on this one, the consequence will fit the crime (excommunication for the would-be pope).

Morgul: Well said, Caenus. And, frankly, half of us are Mafia players. We know our shit, dawg. We eat Strawmen, and shit wifom.

In order to participate in a debate, you must address the points made by your opponent.  Refusal to do so is simply succumbing to the delusion that because you're a super-genius who CAN'T BE WRONG (again with the infallibility, your holiness?).  Guess what?  If you can't talk someone down in a straightforward debate, then odds are that YOU'RE WRONG AND YOUR CASE SUCKS.  

Get over it and learn to argue like someone with an IQ higher than 12.  

If you commit this cardinal sin, I'm gonna sic Windshipper on you.  You'll beg for death before the end.

Morgul: No, seriously. That's fucked up, Caenus. You're one cruel motherfucker. Then again... we all are, aren't we?

We can track your IP.  It's so obvious to the admins that you're the same person it's not even funny.  This sort of sick self-dependence is looked on here as a sign that you are incurably ill and must be put down in an inhumane fashion.  

Something like posting all of your personal shit to 4Chan.  And then banning the hell out of you.  Both of you.  And your mom.

Actually, your mom can stay.

Morgul: :quagmire:

Guess what - using the phrase "I'm leaving" means we're gonna lock the door behind you, pawn your shit, and burn the stuff we couldn't sell.  

If you resort to the above offense to workaround this one, then you're just setting yourself up to get kicked in the twat, now aren't you?

Seriously, idle threats (especially of - oh, heaven forbid! - going away and never bothering us again) don't phase us.  If you're gonna get out, you better get your shit, leave your key on the dresser and burn my goddamn phone number, because I don't wanna see your face again.

Morgul: This is a pet peeve of mine. I am not above whois-ing your ip, finding what town you live in and leaving an anonymous tip about the 20 gigs of kiddy porn I got whitelynx to download to your computer. Do this, and I will personally ruin you.

This one had better be self-explanatory.  Explosive topics approached in any manner other than respectful and careful as hell are guaranteed to backfire and result in the banning of the originator of the drama.  

Also, advocation of furries and/or Yif will get you banned regardless of how respectful you are, you sick bastard.  There's respect for sexual orientation, and then there's just turning a blind eye to some twisted, unnatural shit.  

Morgul: I'm not as :hammer: on the furry stuff as Caenus. There's some good, non Yif comics out there, and I acknowledge it's a culture. There's good furries, and... then there's... those furries. In either regard...  Yif == :hammer: After all, most of us are :texan:.

The First Amendment states that the GOVERNMENT can make no law "abridging the freedom of speech".  

Guess what?  Private institutions can make up whatever rules they damn well please.  This forum is an extension of a privately owned company, and as such can establish whatever rules of decorum we wish.

Threaten legal action, and I'll sic Windshipper's lawyer on you.  And death will come only after you've filled out the requisite forms in triplicate.

Morgul: ...and buried in peat-moss for 3 years, uncovered, recycled as matchsticks...

AKA Reynard syndrome.  Seriously though, did your parents never slap the shit out of you for throwing out an insincere apology?  No?  Dammit all, what has society come to?  

If you apologize, you'd better damn well mean it, otherwise I'm gonna assume you're just attempting to weave some elaborate maneuver and pull an offense #1.  And, no, my letter to you explaining your ban will not contain an apology of any kind, you will have earned it, jackoff.  

Morgul: :rofl: Yes, if you do this you're not only an idiot, but you're :downs: enough to become the butt end of a running joke. Where do you think Reynard Syndrome came from, hmm? The last jackass to make this mistake.

You are not an elite delta force ninja.  I am.  Odds are, any credential you make up to bolster your self esteem and give you that last centimeter of "oh-I'm-so-awesome" raging boner can and will likely be trumped on these forums.  We boast mathematicians, biologists, physicists, and (as stated earlier) some REAL intellectuals.  Wanna convince me you're an English scholar?  Use proper grammar.  Think I need to accept your claim that you're an M.D.?  Don't feed me lines from ER.  Trust me, it won't work.  

Dr. Loves-himself-too-much will be paged for an urgent meeting with the hospital chief of staff, and frankly, there's just no room in the budget for a sniveling little fuck, so we're gonna have to let you go.

Right after I sic Windshipper on you.

Morgul: There's only one guy on these forums with a limp and pain medication. And he thinks you're an idiot.

Edgy hasn't been edgy since I was a kid.  Case in point, emo culture.  This is not livejournal.  It is not your little playground for you and all your eyeliner sporting friends to come and sulk.  Having absolutely no decency and then trying to write it off as being "edgy" is like faking a credential - you aren't edgy.  You're just a douche.

And you will be banned.  Now go cut yourself.

Morgul: Ahem. Give me all you cash and then go cut your self. Or, I'm sure we could come up with something more enjoyable. For us... not you. And no, you get no say.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 11, 2008, 02:06:21 pm »
You get it back.  In multiple pieces.

I insert a blank DVD.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 10, 2008, 03:44:56 pm »
You receive a noose with an outlaw attached.

I insert a smelly old sweat sock.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 09, 2008, 07:49:10 pm »
You receive a flaming geriatric.  And a note that says "100 points if you can guess the classic novel that comes from".

I insert a broken cell phone.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 09, 2008, 04:59:11 pm »
You receive a Splayd.

I insert a broken bicycle horn.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 09, 2008, 08:50:39 am »
The machine makes you the world's tiniest virgin strawberry daiquiri.

I insert a lock of Cate Blanchett's hair.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 09, 2008, 12:14:40 am »
You get lockjaw.

I insert a raspberry scratch-n-sniff sticker.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 07, 2008, 09:04:01 am »
You receive a bottle of soda.

I insert my computer's wallpaper image.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 06, 2008, 08:57:56 pm »
You receive the trimmings from someone's pubes.

I insert the following smiley:   :juggle:

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 06, 2008, 08:00:28 pm »
You receive the complete Lawrence Welk DVD box set.

I insert an x-ray of a broken left leg.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 06, 2008, 01:16:19 pm »
You get a restraining order and a lawsuit for assault.

I insert the ace of spades from a brand new deck of cards.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 06, 2008, 09:11:07 am »
You receive an error message: "That's just nasty"

I insert a chocolate chip cookie.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 05, 2008, 10:44:02 pm »
You get a swift kick in the nuts.

I insert a priceless heirloom.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 05, 2008, 04:06:25 pm »
You receive a card that simply says "The current state of things"

I insert a red yo-yo

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 04, 2008, 09:09:19 pm »
You receive my worst nightmare.

I insert a ring pried from the cold dead finger of my nemesis.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 04, 2008, 04:23:04 pm »
You receive a Thor comic book with a post it note that says "This is what has become of your beloved mythology."

I insert my childlike innocence . . . as soon as I can find it.

General / Re: Vending Machine
« on: December 04, 2008, 12:46:08 pm »
You receive a large hadron collider, complete with black hole.  Congratulations, you just destroyed the universe.

I insert Windshipper's left testicle.

General Discussion / Re: Max Payne Movie
« on: October 09, 2008, 08:14:11 am »
Usually when evaluating a movie like this I look at the writer/director team.

The writer is an unknown who has never written anything before (at least according to IMDB).  The director has directed three things prior that I'd like to point out:

1.  Behind Enemy Lines - While I'm not a huge Owen Wilson fan, this movie was pretty heart pounding and intense.  This is a good thing for the director of Max Payne to be able to handle.  A definite plus.

2.  Flight of the Phoenix - Yeah, yeah, Dennis Quaid can't act.  However, what was fantastic in this very well done remake (and I say that as a die hard fan of the original with Jimmy Stewart) was the cinematography.  Did Moore (the director) call in this guy?

No.  He called in the guy who shot the next movie I wanna mention:

3.  The Omen - remake whores unite!  I loved the original and was genuinely terrified by it.  This one . . . made me laugh.  It was remarkably true to the original, even duplicating specific shots, but it never once stepped forward to own this interpretation.  It was almost as if the studio simply chose to shoot the EXACT SAME MOVIE as opposed to using computer to "Lucas-ize" the original. 

This is a black mark. 

However, it's possible that it'll be awesome - the trailers look badass.

One final thing that's typically a make or break for me: run-time.

Max Payne comes in at . . . (insert drumroll here) . . . 99 minutes.

Eh.  I personally have issues with the story development in a movie that's less than 2 hours long, but it's not impossible to have a FANTASTIC move within the above time frame.

Wait, what's that?  They've cut it down from R to PG-13?  NO!  That means anything that was sacrificed either wasn't key to the story (and as such the writer should be shot for not doing a good job) or else was and will turn it into a shallow flick as opposed to a film that actually explores the character (call it the Chronicles of Riddick syndrome).  So what's the run-time for the heavily edited version?

86 minutes.

There are Disney movies longer than that!  THIS is the thing that makes my hopes and dreams for this movie die a horrendous death.  I'll still go see it, but I go in with my expectations drastically shot to hell.

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