Author Topic: I Love You Never Meant A Damn Thing - Cherry Popped!  (Read 1496 times)

MissTake1024

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I Love You Never Meant A Damn Thing - Cherry Popped!
« on: April 15, 2008, 03:21:21 am »

"I love you"
The words never meant anything to her. Of course, she smiled along and played the game. She nodded her acknowledgment and occasion would whisper those words back.
"I love you"
No you don't. You never loved her. You love someone else. She could tell that written on the floors, the ceilings, the carpets... everything on this house that you have built together, it says facade... fake. Charade, a game. That's all that this marriage is.
That's all that it ever will be.
"I love you more than anything, you know."
You love your life. You love your children. You love the home that you live in. Your wife? You don't love her. She continuously sacrifices everything for you. No wonder your fucking happy! She doesn't have a moment of peace. A short period of time to just relax and dream.
"Why don't you believe me when I say I love you?"
Your darling house wife is still in the kitchen, right next to the knife rack.
"Clara, why don't you believe me?"
She chooses to ignore you. She's biting her tongue. There's no point having this argument anymore, because she knows the name of the other who you love.
He gets up and walks away.
And the house wife's hand rests firmly on the knife rack...

Offline Morgul

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Re: I Love You Never Meant A Damn Thing - Cherry Popped!
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2008, 11:40:22 pm »
Very interesting. I think, in a bit, I shall write a response to this... :)

As for feedback; I'd try playing with structure/layout. Group sentences in ways that break up how you read it, how your eye flows over the story. If you want, I'll give you an example.
"Just because my math may tell lies doesn't mean that I don't understand the quantum mechanics of it all." --Caenus

The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.

"In the beginning there was nothing. And it exploded." --Terry Pratchett