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« on: August 28, 2008, 11:23:48 am »
i'm afraid of anyone i love will leave me. so i don't let people close and i hide my feelings as much as possible. It probably has to do with my dad dying when i was 7 and then my older sisters not being allowed to contact us. and just other people. That's why it's so hard for me to not just express my feelings, but understanding how others feel...and when i've offended them.
I also fear for the people i have let close and that i care about. that someday when they need me, i won't be there. Or that i won't be able to help them. Part of that is also, i fear that i won't be able to say goodbye to them. There was this lady at church i was really close to and she was really sick and wanted to see me. We were going to go this one day, but things came up. And i never got to see her before she died and she had said there was something she wanted to tell me...and i never found out what it was.
I also fear death. Not me dying. But everyone i love dying. I believe that they go somewhere better, but it doesn't seem quite good enough. Like i don't believe that even after i die that i will be good enough to see them again. I've known so many people who have died and it's very difficult for me to accept that they're not here anymore.
on a less serious note, i'm afraid not just of heights but of falling from them.