G33X Nexus Entertainment

G33X Nexus Entertainment => Requiem for Innocence => Current Projects => Precursors => Topic started by: Morgul on January 20, 2006, 01:40:37 pm

Title: Please, rip apart my Story.
Post by: Morgul on January 20, 2006, 01:40:37 pm
Please, do me a favor, and rip my story to shreds. I posted Chapter one here:
http://forums.g33xnexus.com/index.php/topic,267 (http://forums.g33xnexus.com/index.php/topic,267)

I want to get this ready to be sent to an editor.. and I need to make sure that it works. I want people to be mean, nasty, and edit the hell out of it. Tell me if I need to move sections around, remove sections, rewrod things. Tell me what's confusing, or doesn't flow. Tell me what holds your attention, and what makes you want to stop reading because it's boring. Please look over it with a harsh eye. Thanks!

--Chris
Title: Re: Please, rip apart my Story.
Post by: Caenus on January 20, 2006, 02:52:14 pm
When Caenus enters the story, don't use the name nearly as often.  Pronouns are your friend.
Title: Re: Please, rip apart my Story.
Post by: Morgul on January 20, 2006, 03:30:38 pm
I use too many proper nouns. It's a bad habit.
Title: Re: Please, rip apart my Story.
Post by: Caenus on January 20, 2006, 04:41:25 pm
It's okay, I do it too.
Title: Re: Please, rip apart my Story.
Post by: contingencyplan on January 21, 2006, 02:45:01 am
At least you didn't say "It's okay, Caenus does it too."

Then we'd either have to drug you or shoot you. I'd vote for the latter, personally, but either one works for me.
Title: Re: Please, rip apart my Story.
Post by: Caenus on January 21, 2006, 10:43:06 am
Heh, I contemplated it.

Eh, I've been shot before - I'll take the drugs.
Title: Re: Please, rip apart my Story.
Post by: Morgul on January 21, 2006, 11:21:19 am
*imitates a waiter* Good choice. I'll bring those right out to you, sir.

:P
Title: Re: Please, rip apart my Story.
Post by: Caenus on January 21, 2006, 06:53:38 pm
SWEET!!!

Two yellows and a blue please.


(Yes, Caenus knows his barbiturates)