G33X Nexus Entertainment > Precursors

Please, rip apart my Story.

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Morgul:
Please, do me a favor, and rip my story to shreds. I posted Chapter one here:
http://forums.g33xnexus.com/index.php/topic,267

I want to get this ready to be sent to an editor.. and I need to make sure that it works. I want people to be mean, nasty, and edit the hell out of it. Tell me if I need to move sections around, remove sections, rewrod things. Tell me what's confusing, or doesn't flow. Tell me what holds your attention, and what makes you want to stop reading because it's boring. Please look over it with a harsh eye. Thanks!

--Chris

Caenus:
When Caenus enters the story, don't use the name nearly as often.  Pronouns are your friend.

Morgul:
I use too many proper nouns. It's a bad habit.

Caenus:
It's okay, I do it too.

contingencyplan:
At least you didn't say "It's okay, Caenus does it too."

Then we'd either have to drug you or shoot you. I'd vote for the latter, personally, but either one works for me.

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